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Relationship Solutions
E-Newsletter
Table of Content
I.
Message from the Director
II.
Featured Article
IV.
Upcoming Event
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Message from the
Director
Hello and welcome to
another edition of Relationship Solutions!
Another weekend came
and gone. It seems that the weeks fly by so
quickly the older I get. Thinking about
life passing so quickly is a reminder to
take care each day, especially for our
relationships! As Memorial Day weekend
approaches, I would like to challenge all of
you to prepare this whole week for a
memorable weekend.
In preparation for your
week, think about all those you share a
relationship with. This can be vast, but to
start maybe it is your spouse/partner, a
parent, a sibling, your child, a good friend
or your boss. Take a moment during this
week to give to each of these
relationships. Maybe it is words of
encouragement, making breakfast for the
family, or doing something extra at the
office. It does not have to be big—just
give to that relationship.
Now, we don’t always
want to be giving and not receiving, but for
this week make the effort and it is bound to
pay off by the end of the week somewhere!
This month’s newsletter is all about mutual
influence or reciprocity in a relationship.
Hopefully this will be a reminder to us all
to give and receive joyously as we continue
to move forward.
We hope you enjoy and
you are all welcome to contact us with any
questions or comments on this topic. Until
next time…best wishes!
Warmly,
Cari Sans
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Featured Article
April Showers Bring
May Flowers
As I write this column
in mid-April, I am happy to report that the
above-stated adage is certainly not
applicable to today’s weather. A golden ray
of warm sunshine is sprinkling down on my
keyboard and there doesn’t seem to be a
cloud in sight. Dreams of flip-flops and
hot sand are dancing in my head and I am
feeling optimistic that refreshing beach
days and suntan lotion are well within
reach.
This time of year, it
is common for neighbors to journey outside
their front doors and take part in the
annual tradition of planting, raking and
sprucing. Hopefully, with enough care, a
garden filled with beautiful blooms or
robust vegetables will transpire—offering an
opportunity to better the view of the world
or to provide sustenance to a family.
This brings me to this
month’s topic, which is reciprocity.
According to dictionary definition,
reciprocity is defined as a “mutual
dependence, action or influence.” Often
linked to trade treaties between our nation
and others, this idea of mutual exchange is
essential in successful relationships.
Reciprocity is a
necessity in relationships with partners,
family members and friends. With all
parties doing their share, surely a
relationship is bountiful for all who take
part in its nurturing.
However, the idea that
both or all parties give to the maintenance
of a relationship is one that can be
difficult to grasp for some folks. Perhaps
the other parties have not had the benefit
of being educated in healthy relationships;
either by modeling from their families of
origin or by attending treatment. Often
times, the generational impact of unhealthy
behaviors can be quite powerful, and
reciprocated throughout the years.
Think about your own
experiences for a moment. Are there certain
rules in your family that are unwritten and
expected? For example, perhaps you have
grown up with the old saying, “Children are
to be seen and not heard.” This rule in
later years may in fact lead to conflict
avoidance in an adult relationship with a
partner, a colleague, and so on.
I share this example
not to encourage a source of blame, but
merely to illustrate the point that often
times we simply do not know how to behave in
a relationship because we weren’t taught
how. Identifying the generational impact is
the first step, I believe, in understanding
ourselves and becoming more self-aware.
Then, we can connect these influences to our
current relationships
Once you’ve been able
to identify why you may act the way you do
in a relationship, what do you do with this
information? Perhaps you can reflect on
your current relationships with others,
beginning first with your partner and then
with family members and friends. Do you
find yourself giving more to the
relationship than the other? Do you think
you are not giving enough? Are you satisfied
with this? Do you want to change this
habit? How might you begin to do that?
Keep in mind that while it is true that at
times it is appropriate to give more than
the other party, the overall goal is a
counterbalance between all involved.
In closing, we are born
into a relationship and as we move along in
this life, we are creating new and
maintaining old relationships. Ultimately,
I think we want a peaceful existence with
those around us and working toward a
healthier, more reciprocal relationship is a
way to meet this goal.
If you are feeling an
imbalance in your relationship, you can
certainly call us for assistance. We would
be happy to help you and your partner,
family members or colleagues work toward a
goal of reciprocity.
A few tips for
maintaining reciprocity…
- Give to the
relationship on a regular basis. If you
think you have been doing too much
taking, you probably have. Do something
immediately to contribute to the
relationship.
- Little things mean
a lot. Giving to a relationship doesn’t
mean buying your mate a new car every
week. Set out your partner’s favorite
coffee mug in the morning or leave a
brief love note.
- Dig a little
deeper. Sometimes you have to go beyond
the surface. If you suspect something
is bothering your partner or colleague,
for example, ask him/her what is wrong.
Reflect back what you heard them say and
actively listen with validation and
empathy. You might also ask them what
you can do to help.
- At work, encourage
reciprocity by modeling the TEAM motto:
Together Each Accomplishes More.
- Lastly, a
variation on the Golden Rule: Model to
others how you would like to be treated.
Comments or
suggestions? Email
andrea@couplesandfamilies.com.
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Upcoming Event
Reserve your spot now!
10-Week Anger Group in the
Manhattan Office
We are close to starting our next Anger
Management program in the Manhattan office.
We are hoping for a few more individuals to
reserve a spot and hope to start soon. If you are interested in this
group, please contact our Intake Coordinator
at (212) 537-9313 ext. 1 to reserve a spot
today.
Learn effective
tools for dealing with anger in your
relationships. Anger is an emotion that we
all experience when we feel vulnerable or
attacked. The group will teach you effective
ways for managing and expressing anger.
Anger is explored in the context of
relationships and tools for improving
relationships will be provided. The goals of
the 10-week program are:
• To increase awareness of anger expression
patterns
• To learn how our anger experience is
shaped by our development and what we can
learn from our family and environment
• To identify current and past situations
that fuel anger
• To identify responsibilities in the
current anger situation that resulted in
either a self or outside referral
• To develop specific ways to de-escalate
potentially violent situations
• To decrease verbal and physical
manifestations of anger, aggression, or
violence while increasing awareness and
acceptance of emotions
*Participants will receive a certificate of
completion.
A new group starting
soon--register today!
Saturdays 11:00am-12:30pm;
Manhattan Office
(Individual sessions
available on Mondays-Saturdays Manhattan and
Rockville Centre Offices)
Contact us to register and reserve your
spot!
Fees:
$60 per group session (each 10 week
session)
$80 initial intake
session (each participant is required to
meet with the group facilitator prior to
starting the group for 45 minutes)
How payment is collected:
50% of group fee ($300) is collected at
the initial intake session along with the
initial intake fee ($80). The
remaining payment of $300 is collected at
the 5th group session. Credit Card, Cash,
and Check
accepted at this time.
$125 for individual
(one-on-one) sessions (45-minute sessions).
Payment collected at each individual
session.
Contact us today! (212)
537-9313 ext. 1
Reserve your spot today for next 2008 Anger Management Group or to talk with
a therapist regarding our other services.
email:
cari@couplesandfamilies.com
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The
Relationship
Solutions
newsletter
is written
with
relationships
in mind.
Our staff,
trained in
marriage and
family
therapy, are
dedicated to
helping
individuals,
couples and
families
improve
their
relationships.
Every month
you will
find
effective
tools for
building the
kind of
relationship
that works,
and feel
confident
about how to
make the
changes you
need. If you
are
struggling
with a
relationship,
maybe with
your spouse,
spouse-to-be,
your parent,
sibling or
your
children,
then contact
Counseling
Corner for
Marriage and
Family
Therapy,
P.C., and
find out how
we can help.
Get help
with
resolving
relationship
problems and
feel
empowered to
resolve
future
issues!
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Disclaimer:
Relationship Solutions was
created to provide useful
tidbits, to trigger thoughts
and provide resources. It is
not intended in any way to
be therapeutic. If you
believe you require further
assistance than is provided
here, please contact a
trained psychotherapist.
Contact Us for further
assistance and resources.
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